Dirty Jobs

WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES TO FOLLOW. THE QUEASY OF STOMACH MAY NOT WANT TO PROCEED
Also, if you don't want to read all this just skip to the bottom for a cute video.

"Dirty Jobs profiles the unsung American laborers who make their living in the most unthinkable — yet vital — ways." (Google's Synopsis of the popular TV program) I wonder if Mike Rowe has ever done an episode highlighting the work of a stay-at-home mom.

Here is how an episode might "theoretically" go.

Mommy wakes up earlier than her tired body wants to and proceeds to feed baby his breakfast. During burping, baby suddenly expels what appears to be every ounce of milk he just consumed. He somehow manages to use only a small corner of the over-sized burp cloth and strategically places most of his baby barf all over mom's front.

Mom changes her top and places baby in his chair. Baby plays with toy while mom takes a moment to eat some breakfast. Suddenly an unmistakable smell reaches mom's nostrils. She removes baby from his chair and can already see the source of the smell seeping through the back of baby's pajamas.

She peels of baby's pajamas and quickly realizes that this job will require more than two hands. Luckily her trusty companion is close at hand and comes to her aid - which is not always the case with the job of a stay-at-home mom, but in this case is a very welcome circumstance.

So with two pairs of hands the clean-up commences. Viewers will note that mess extends up to the belly button, down the legs, and although it cannot be seen, half-way up the back as well. Also difficult to discern, is the fact that there is a puddle of poop (sorry for lack of a better description) approximately 1/2 centimeter deep, sitting in the diaper.


Mom and Dad tag team and divide their resources between the tasks of wiping the poop off all previously mentioned areas, and keeping baby still to prevent poop from spreading to additional areas. Also included in this task is attempting to keep baby from trying to stick his potentially poopy feet in his mouth, which he attempts to do every moment his feet are released from parental grasp. During this entire procedure Mom and Dad also have to breath through their mouths in order to keep from gagging.

At least 15 wet wipes later all visible signs of poop have been removed and the offending diaper and wipes have been disposed of in a handy lavender scented plastic bag.

Then it is on to a bath. Bath time is generally thought of as a time to get clean. While baby does get clean, all around him a wet mess is created as a result of his exuberant splashing. Mom wishes she hadn't changed her shirt prematurely after the earlier barfing incident, but is grateful that at least it is only water this time.

After baby is all cleaned up and out of the bath, he adds a caboose zinger to the situation by spitting up a little bit more on himself.

After baby is wiped off again, dressed, and put down for a nap, his poop covered pajamas are hand scrubbed and rinsed (thanks again to Dad this time, but mom has also done her fair share of this) and then left to soak in the sink with some Oxi-Clean.

The pajamas will be washed with the next load of laundry - which will likely be later today - at which time this particular job will finally be complete.

NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE: Feeding a baby rice cereal as he attempts to use his socks (which are currently on his feet) as napkins.

Luckily all these dirty jobs are just a small part of a mother's work, the greater part of it is the most rewarding job! It is moments like the following that make every mess worth it!